OCTOBER 5:
Today
my life began. My parents do not know it yet, but it is I already. And I am to
be a girl. I shall have blond hair and blue eyes. Just about everything is
settled though, even the fact that I shall love flowers.
OCTOBER 19:
Some
say that I am not a real person yet, that only my mother exists. But I am a
real person, just as a small crumb of bread is yet truly bread. My mother is.
And I am.
OCTOBER 23:
My
mouth is just beginning to open now. Just think, in a year or so I shall be
laughing and later talking. I know what my first word will be: MAMA.
OCTOBER 25:
My
heart began to beat today all by itself. From now on it shall gently beat for
the rest of my life without ever stopping to rest! And after many years it will
tire. It will stop, and then I shall die.
NOVEMBER 2:
I am
growing a bit every day. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape. But I
have to wait a long time yet before those little legs will raise me to my
mother’s arms, before these little arms will be able to gather flowers and
embrace my father.
NOVEMBER 12:
Tiny fingers
are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are! I’ll be able to
stroke my mother’s hair with them.
NOVEMBER 20:
It
wasn’t until today that the doctor told mom that I am living here under her
heart. Oh, how happy she must be! Are you happy, mom?
NOVEMBER 25:
My mom
and dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don’t even know
that I am a little girl. I want to be called Kathy. I am getting so big
already.
DECEMBER 10:
My
hair is growing. It is smooth and bright and shiny. I wonder what kind of hair
mom has?
DECEMBER 13:
I am
just about able to see. It is dark around me. When mom brings me into the world
it will be full of sunshine and flowers. But what I want more than anything is
to see my mom. How do you look, mom?
DECEMBER 24:
I
wonder if mom hears the whispering of my heart? Some children come into the
world a little sick. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats so evenly:
tup-tup, tup-tup. You’ll have a healthy little daughter, mom!
DECEMBER 28:
Today
my mother killed me.
